"Death is more universal than life. Everyone dies but not everyone lives." -Alan Sachs

Things I've done the last couple of days include..

-had food poisoning and got really sick
-had the apartment to myself for 2 whole days
-went to a "John Lennon" tribute jam last night with my friend Rachel
-watched Almost Famous
-cleaned the apartment so it looks good for dad and bought strawberries and cherry tomatoes for him
-took a long walk by myself today and enjoyed the sun
-learned the song "Never Again" on the mandolin by trampled by turtles
-sketched 2 portraits and used pastels to draw an elephant
-tried to make cous cous and beans but it turned out terrible so I threw it out
-started an essay application for the Norlin Scholars for Boulder
-played bananagrams as a drinking game
-got lost on a run and maybe ended up outside of Arad?
-watched this hilarious video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwSqdL7fiE8

Today after 6 hours of volunteering with the Sudanese, me and my friend actually had energy left to go for a run through the desert and then do a yoga tape. My room made homemade avocado and cucumber sushi tonight and oriental stir fry noodles! We ate like kings and we're currently making brownies and about to watch Pocahontus. Tomorrow is another long day volunteering and then hebrew class.

<--One of the babies at the daycare:)

Today one of the kids at the Sudanese daycare I work at was getting picked up by his dad and his dad asked me If I could help him with his English because he's trying to get a better job. I tutored him for about an hour and he was very grateful and is going to come back for a lesson next week:) Here's one of the babies I drew:

The Ramon Crater weekend

Wassup. So my weekend trip was very last minute because I was planning on doing a hike to the dead sea with a couple of people but everyone who was gunna go backed out.. so I was really bummed about that and then one of my friends Rachel from Boston asked if I wanted to join her and a couple of people to visit the Ramon crater. This is a great example of how when one door closes, another one opens.. and damn it opened real wide because this weekend turned out AMAZING. :) So first we took a bus to Ber Sheva and met up with our friend Yoella who was on my Muss trip two years ago! She's on a pre-army program and had the weekend off and decided to come with us. Then we took a two hour beautiful bus ride through the desert and finally got off in a small town and walked around for a bit because it was so adorable and there were tons of Ibex's everywhere just chillen and walking around. (An Ibex is a weird furry deer like animal with huge horns). We were pretty lost and couldn't find our hostel for a while and we stumbled upon a huge CHABAD sign (those are ultra religious jews who host jews for shabbat all over the world because they want jews to perform mitzvot so the messiah will come sooner!) and all we had for dinner was canned food so of course we wanted a full, home cooked shabbat meal along with the experience so we knocked on their door and all 8 kids ran up to greet us and they got really excited that we wanted to come and told us to come back in a couple of hours. It was a crazy meal with all of the kids running around and yelling while the father was trying to teach the dvar torah.. they could speak a bit of English and the dad was trying to translate the torah portion of the week. After dinner and benching we went back to our hostel and collected wood for a fire. The hostel is located right on the mountain and so our fire was on a huge cliff overlooking the crater and you could see tons of ibexs running around everywhere. We sat out there for a couple of hours and drank wine and talked a lot, and then the fire went out and we went for a walk. We walked about ten minutes away when we started hearing LOUD bumpin music coming from far away so decided to follow it even though it was taking us into the middle of the desert.. we walked for about 15 minutes and started seeing crazy colored flashing lights! There was a huge rager/concert in the middle of nowhere and there was a good amount of people with electronic/dubstep music and we were blown away and danced under the stars...We met some people and went to the local bar (probably the only bar in the town?) and hung out for a while and then went back to the hostel to sleep. We woke up and got
 the continental breakfast that came with the cost of the hostel and feasted. I realized the difference between american and israeli breakfasts: Israeli breakfasts consist of many different salads, yogurts,fruits, and eggs, and a breakfast at an American hostel would have been pancakes,bagels,sausages,bacon,hasbrowns,waffles, etc. Just thought I'd share that thought.. Anyway, we packed our lunches and water, and went off to find the hiking trail. We didn't get to hike for very long because one of my friends had a sore knee but it was an awesome view and we went to a beautiful lookout spot and ate lunch. We finished the hike after a couple hours and explore the town a bit more and then sat in the desert and read for a while before catching out bus back to Arad. :)

dong nothing is better than being busy doing nothing

Yesterday, me and Laina walked about five minutes into the desert, just far enough where it is completely silent and you cant hear the roads and we sat down and did art. We incorporated leaves, water, sand and coffee stains in our drawings and just sat and talked for a couple of hours. Then we walked far apart from each other and meditated. I'm trying to work on meditation and get to the point where I can actually clear my mind and push away all thoughts that come through and be completely open and connected to nature and what surrounds me. It's really hard  though because my mind is so busy and crowded but it's all about practice. Then I came home and my roommate Casey made an amazing dinner consisting of  a cous-cous dish with pumkin,potatoes, carrots,and garbanga beans, and a spinach and tomato dish. Then we made brownies and went to give it to our neighbors because they helped us in our fridge crisis. Today (finally) we get our bikes! I CANT WAIT FOR YOU GUYS TO COME VISIT! You have no idea how excited I am. I miss and love you guys.
PS: Here's a beautiful poem I stumbled upon;
I don’t care about Time.
I want to curl inside
the arms of this Instant
and rest there.

Here opens this moment,
right beautifully now,
breathing itself new.
I don’t want to look through
yesterday’s thoughts.
Show me how to See.

Let me pay naked attention
To everything I see.
Divinity is all around,
under me, over me, beside me, within me.
Let me see That.

More news about the Sudanese..

So today I learned that the 150 Sudanese that left Israel DID NOT get deported but instead they chose to go back. Most of them were living here for about 3 years working and building up their life. But because around 1,000 illegal Sudanese come through the borders to Israel each year, Israel is trying to halt the masses of immigrants because there is simply no room for them in this tiny, complicated country. Instead of deporting them, Israel is going to put ALL the Sudanese without papers in a concentrated refugee camp, even if they have jobs and houses and lives and children here. Those 150 Sudanese decided they would rather die in their own country then in a camp in a foreign country. I'm really nervous for all of the kids at my day care because who knows if they'll be around next year or if they'll be stuck in some gated camp... Also, I've met so many of their parents and siblings and now feel a connection to their community.

Sudanese

Our heater broke and last night I slept with two sweaters on, my scarf and a hat and I still woke up freezing all through the night. Luckily, though, it was a lot warmer today so I could take some of the sudanese kids to the park. One of the little  boys' dad came to the park because he was off work today, and I had an amazing conversation with him and learned A LOT. Apparently last night 200 Sudanese got deported from Israel and sent back to Sudan. They were labeled as "Silem Seekers" which is a legal status lower then refugees because they aren't able to prove that they were directly affected by the war. Silem Seekers have less rights in their countries of refuge. Anyways, so the dad spoke very rough, broken English but I was able to have an awesome conversation with him anyways. A couple of the friends he came to Israel with 9 months ago were deported last night and he was very upset by it. He told me that Israel treats his people so badly and that they come here as friends of the Jews to work and have a good life, and in return they are hated and not given any rights. He said he went to the doctor last month with something serious and the doctor shoved him away and told him to just drink water. He also spoke to me about Sudan in a very positive light and recommended that I go there! I was like "are you serious it's so dangerous and people are getting killed everywhere" and he said "thats not true, that's just what you hear on the news. there is a lot of peace and people are very kind." I asked him why he came to Israel then and he said it was because he was Christian and Israel is a very famous, historical land and wanted to come see it for himself. He said MANY Sudanese are the same way and come here for religious reasons, not for safety reasons. He also made it seam that Israel was more dangerous then Sudan, and that I should go on vacation there... Ha. Wow. I know. As If you guys would ever let me go, Rwanda is even pushing it!

Life is good in the desert

My Rwanda group passed our 5,000 dollar mark for fundraising!!!!!!
 Today it's FREEZING in Arad but I'm lucky to have my blue slippers and hot chocolate. I've hardly left my apartment the last couple of days because I don't have warm enough clothes. Our fridge wasn't working the last couple of days but luckily we have awesome Russian neighbors and they saved all of our food by letting us put the basic things in their fridge(like eggs,cheese,yogurt). My apartment is awesome we've decorated really well. Pretty much everyday in our free time we do art and hang things all over the walls.Incense in constantly pervading through the room and there's always good music playing.Also, I made an "interactive bathroom" so it's not boring while your going. There's articles all over and sheets to fill out( ex- "Things that make me happy are, My favorite places are, etc.) It's fun and we keep adding more and more. I'm trying to plan a trip for this weekend but I don't know where yet. I'll keep you updated:)

She begs the sun to flirt and dance and twirl her around untill it bows down to her and folds up in her shaky arms.

Sand Storm

Right now I'm looking out my window and all I can see is a thick white blanket of sand whirling around and a big tree that just fell is half broken and laying on the rooftop next to me. One of my roommates left the window next to her bed open last night and her sheets are covered with sand. I don't think I can leave my apartment today, maybe that's a good thing though- it'll force me to work on my Colorado essay.

Today I went into my big backyard, the desert, with 5 friends and we wandered for a couple of hours, meditated, and ate a picnic lunch. I am now refreshed.

 This is a poem Kali showed me:

if tomorrow morning the sky falls... have clouds for breakfast.
If night falls... use stars for streetlights.
If the moon gets stuck in a tree... cover the hole in the sky with a strawberry.
If you have butterflies in your stomach... ask them into your heart.
If your heart catches in your throat... ask a bird how she sings.
If the birds forget their songs... listen to a pebble instead.
If you lose a memory... embroider a new one to take its place.
If you lose the key... throw away the house.
If the clock stops... use your own hands to tell time.
If the light goes out... wear it around your neck and go dancing.
If the bus doesn't come... catch a fast cloud.
If it's the last dance... dance backwards.
If you find your socks don't match.... stand in a flowerbed.
If your shoes don't fit... give them to the fish in the pond.
If your horse needs shoes... let him use his wings.
If the sun never shines again... hold fireflies in your hands to keep warm.
If you're afraid of the dark... remember the night rainbow.
If there is no happy ending... make one out of cookie dough.

I miss my fairy sister

And were like different minds workin off the same brain, passengers on different cars steppin off the same train, in the end, makin it rights the main aim. different parts of the picture highlite the same frame.

an unobserved life if not worth living

Fire:(

On Sunday, my Social Action group was going to visit the youth village "Yemin Orde" that inspired the Agahozo Shalom Youth Village that we're going to in Rwanda. Tragically, the fire reached the village and the entire village burned down. Luckily, all 500 kids were evacuated and no one was hurt but now all of the kids there lost all of their belongings and currently are displaced and have no place to live. Instead of going there to visit, my group is collecting clothes and supplies to donate to them.

Osho

Meditation says, 'Just watch the mind and you are out. Your being inside the mind is your fallacious idea. Once you stop the mind functioning, suddenly the fallacious idea will disappear and you will find you are out in the open. Then the whole sky is available to you -- your freedom, your eternal life, this vast beautiful existence is always available to you, to shower you with all kinds of blessings. Osho

This quote made me realize that I need some alone, self reflecting time. This whole journey of mine has been quite chaotic. Being in this foreign country with all new people and places to explore has made me feel like an outsider the whole time, not really sure where I fit in in this program, in this country, in this world.. This has pushed me out of my comfort zone and thrown me onto a scary, exciting roller coaster with nobody there to hold my hand along the way. I have had plenty of ups, and certainly plenty of downs, but I haven't felt "centered" in a long time. I keep waiting for a closure of all these emotions, the time where I'm finally reflecting and realizing what I've learned and where this excursion has taken me. I know it will come some time in the future, but as of now, I feel like a wanderer. I know that, "Not all who wander are lost" , and most of the time it's amazing just doing my thing here without knowing  where this is all taking me because I know this "gap year" is temporary and that my routine life starts later. Sometimes though I don't know what I should be doing to be productive in this year and gain as much as I possibly can. I could definitely use some meditation time to help me. And bluegrass.
 inspires me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGMabBGydC0&feature=player_embedded#at=16

exhaustion

I just got back from volunteering with the Sudanese kids. I was in a single room with just a carpet for 6 hours!! There was about fifteen kids, one old lady that they call "Bubba," and 5 of us Americans to entertain them. They were allll sick and damn, their noses have endurance;I was wiping noses every couple of minutes. The youngest one was 5 months and the oldest was a 7 year old boy.  It's really sad because they have little to nothing to play with and the older ones get so restless and bored. They should be in kindgarden or at least preschool by now. Bubba doesn't speak any English or Hebrew but the two oldest kids speak Hebrew so we can communicate with them a bit and we use a lot of miming with Bubba. She's the sweetest, most generous person. The daycare is at her house and although you can tell she has very little money and food,  she made us a huge lunch of chicken,broth,pita,turkey, cheese and drinks. We tried to tell her we had brought our own food but she forced us to sit down and eat. I have so much reverence for her. Being at the daycare for one day was exhausting and draining for me- I can't possibly imaging how she does it,especially in her living conditions. Don't get me wrong- the kids are freaking adorable and I love love love them. It was so fulfilling and I feel extremely accomplished. Now I'm starting to do applications alll over again. ughhh. oh yeah, and our kitten has fleas.

Host Family

The host family was wonderful. They lived right on the edge of the desert- their backyard is a huge cliff off a mountain. The dad spoke portugal, the mom spoke spanish, and the kids spoke Hebrew and none of them really spoke english, so basically, the conversation at the table was very limited. But the food, however, was not;damn the food was great! They had three kids- 16, 17, and 21, and one of them we saw the night before at the bar! Such a small town. They were very sweet and gave us all the leftovers and said we could come back whenever we pleased. :) Last night all of our power went out so we had to use candlelight but luckily it came back before the food in the fridge went bad. Today I'm going to apply for scholarships at boulder and maybe apply to Colorado College. Smaller colleges give out more scholarships and I think I'd like a smaller school better anyways..
One more thing! We got an orange kitten today!!!!! It was following our friend last night on the street so we brought it back to our apartment to feed it and it's chowing down right now on tuna. Soooo cute. Still doesn't have a name yet.

Happy Hannukah :))

Hannukah last night was really cute, we went to the local synagogue (it was as big as our kitchen) and somehow all we all seamed to fit. All the locals in the synagogue were so sweet for hosting us; they made us sufganiot and chocolate berekas to welcome us. We prayed a little and then played Hannuakah games. Afterwards, the two cooks in our apartment made an awesome dinner: fried eggplant with marinara sauce, salad, and pasta. We had an awesome candlelit dinner. These girls are awesome and hilarious I'm having so much fun living with them already. Then last night there was a huge bonfire on the edge of the desert, and then we went to two out of the three bars they have in Arad. :) The bartenders already know us personally and you start to see the same people over and over again. One of the bartenders gave us free shots last night! :) I like how you can make connections so fast in a small town. Everyone in the town knows of us and stares at us when we walk by.. Today I have the day off so I'm gunna go check out the fitness center here- to become a member its 180 shekles a month (a little less then 50 dollars) and I feel really bad spending that kind of money but I would definitely go a lot and they have yoga and pilates classes. Also tonight I'm going to a local host family here for Shabbat! I hope your Hannukah is going well. Can't wait for you guys to come here! PS- The fire was in Haifa where my Israeli Scout lives but her family and friends are okay. We got informed right away not to go there so everyone on my program is fine.:)

Arad

Arad is such a breath of fresh air compared to Bat Yam. It's extremely quiet and peaceful. There's hardly any cars, the streets are clean, the people are a lot nicer (so far everyone I've seen are either Russian or Sudanese), there's only one mall, three bars, and a couple of shops. Life here is very simple which I love. My apartment is on the top floor and you can see the mountains from our small balcony.